I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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