my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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