Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
