Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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