worst night to have a conscience
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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