Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
