So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
