2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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