I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
