He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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