Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
