Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry