so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He felt like a one man threesome
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guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.