kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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