So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.