Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you

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  (586): Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you http://tfl.nu/xexu
  Replies (7) Good night (1767) Bad night (566)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  well you can't waste a boner

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  (330): well you can't waste a boner http://tfl.nu/ixi5
  Replies (12) Good night (4885) Bad night (618)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...

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  (325): Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on... http://tfl.nu/mq0s
  Replies (42) Good night (1299) Bad night (6652)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?

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  (503): I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant? http://tfl.nu/9d2p
  Replies (15) Good night (679) Bad night (3122)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.

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  (403): I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night. http://tfl.nu/12y8
  Replies (9) Good night (5993) Bad night (1146)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.

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  (608): your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places. http://tfl.nu/fel2
  Replies (81) Good night (6830) Bad night (1261)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend

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  (678): Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend http://tfl.nu/u7rd
  Replies (8) Good night (5186) Bad night (927)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.

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  (864): Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot. http://tfl.nu/kmo6
  Replies (8) Good night (4078) Bad night (743)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.

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  (914): He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon. http://tfl.nu/hf2o
  Replies (20) Good night (3387) Bad night (614)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please

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  (+27): i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please http://tfl.nu/h9fq
  Replies (3) Good night (772) Bad night (1254)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.

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  (202): Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that. http://tfl.nu/hdvk
  Replies (14) Good night (2769) Bad night (664)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...

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  (301): well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train... http://tfl.nu/vvir
  Replies (2) Good night (812) Bad night (426)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado

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  (616): Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado http://tfl.nu/cd6c
  Replies (4) Good night (1131) Bad night (319)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...

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  (269): Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still... http://tfl.nu/u0uu
  Replies (5) Good night (1306) Bad night (521)
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  (916): View more from California

  Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.

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  (916): Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand. http://tfl.nu/j2wp
  Replies (3) Good night (562) Bad night (506)

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