My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse