she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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