Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
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karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.