Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work

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  (760): I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart (508): These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work http://tfl.nu/sac2
  Replies (15) Good night (7547) Bad night (897)
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  (408): View more from California

  I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?

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  (408): I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access? http://tfl.nu/pvq3
  Replies (27) Good night (5327) Bad night (1303)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.

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  (614): she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie. http://tfl.nu/xhiw
  Replies (14) Good night (4276) Bad night (1085)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.

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  (314): So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher. http://tfl.nu/3c6s
  Replies (4) Good night (2389) Bad night (794)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in

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  (757): He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in http://tfl.nu/4cf9
  Replies (6) Good night (714) Bad night (2084)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?

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  (509): Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right? http://tfl.nu/bnll
  Replies (16) Good night (1785) Bad night (728)
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  (951): View more from California

  I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.

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  (951): I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them. http://tfl.nu/loif
  Replies (33) Good night (2003) Bad night (1026)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs

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  (519): The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs http://tfl.nu/wzfm
  Replies (4) Good night (1499) Bad night (681)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag

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  (905): today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag http://tfl.nu/a7zv
  Replies (5) Good night (1638) Bad night (746)
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  (234): View more from Ohio

  For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.

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  (234): For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well. http://tfl.nu/1g4h
  Replies (4) Good night (463) Bad night (898)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak

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  (479): You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid (918): I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak http://tfl.nu/f0ta
  Replies (6) Good night (1032) Bad night (502)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."

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  (832): I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung." http://tfl.nu/1h35
  Replies (14) Good night (1852) Bad night (534)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her

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  (865): He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her http://tfl.nu/a25x
  Replies (4) Good night (866) Bad night (455)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so

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  (816): Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so http://tfl.nu/0hmc
  Replies (1) Good night (519) Bad night (284)
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  (310): View more from California

  That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...

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  (310): That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire... http://tfl.nu/4kfh
  Replies (2) Good night (299) Bad night (499)

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