Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
