omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
