At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
