My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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