i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
