Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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