Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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