I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
