I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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