Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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