You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
