I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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