Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
