I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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