he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
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Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
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I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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