I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
