I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
