I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And then he peed in my hair
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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