Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
