i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
