it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
