I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
