dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
