My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
