we have officially lost it.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
