What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
