I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
