and you said cock pushups were impossible
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
