No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
A bitchslap is in order.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
