Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
