Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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