I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
