if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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