Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
