I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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