I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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