ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
