How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
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Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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