Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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