i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
