My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
