So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
