He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
