Whod you bang
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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