no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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