i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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