i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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