I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
