Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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