did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im holly from the hills drunk
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
