Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
