I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
