I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
a search helicopter?!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
