he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
