We're facebook friends in real life
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
