you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
