i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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