I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
