my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
