Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
