1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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