cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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