I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
