u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
