There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
