Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
