I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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