K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
