Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
