Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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