I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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