Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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