Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
