Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
